Oh, a Spoonful of Poison Keeps ze Population Down!
by Faceted
Summary: What if Doctor Venture had joined the Guild of Calamitous Intent? An alternate ending to the episode "The Doctor is Sin"


Brock kicked the door down just as Doctor Thaddeus S. Venture completed his signature with a dramatic curl that sent droplets of blood spattering across the parchment.

Orpheus gasped, "WE'RE TOO LATE!"

"Venchmen!" Killinger pointed a menacing finger at the intruders. Every grim faced, helmeted henchman in the control room stood and marched toward the door.

Brock steadied himself for combat, "This is it." and the Alchemist whimpered and hid behind him.

To the amazement of the would-be cavalry, the small army of blue and black clad henchmen flowed past them like a stream murmuring about dinner and how long it was between smoke breaks. When the lastVenchman was gone, only Doctor Venture and Killinger stood in the middle of the control room.

Brock approached them with caution, eying Killinger suspiciously. "Doc. You okay?"

"I- I don't know. I..." Rusty put his hands on the bodyguard's shoulders "Suddenly, it all makes sense. My moral ambiguity. My jaded cynicism. My blatant disregard for plant and animal life. All these years I've been trying to be something I'm not-"

"What the hell just happened?"

"Brock, I'm a supervillian!" Rusty smile was wide and bright blue-eyed with wonder.

"IT IS JUST AS WE HAD FEARED!" Orpheus proclaimed, "LIKE FAIR EVE, DOCTOR VENTURE HAS ACCEPTED THE APPLE-"

"Oh, for the love of God would you shut up! What are you doing here, anyway? Didn't Killinger kick you out?"

Before the necromancer could reply, Hank and Dean stumbled in, sleepy-eyed and yawning. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Wow, neato costume Pop!" Hank exclaimed, "It's sorta like Batman. Only skinnier and more blue!"

Killinger spoke up, "Boys, you should go back to your room. Your fazer iz discussing important zings vith Mister Samson. Und besides, Hank, you vill need your strength for ze rock climbing tomorrow. Und Dean, have you forgotten about tomorrow's comprehension test on ze chapter twelve? Now say goodnight."

"Night Pa! Night Uncle Henry!"

"Night Brock, Night Doctor O."

"Hey, what am I? Chop liver?" The Alchemist complained.

"No, you're trespassing." Doctor Venture said, "Venchmen!" Half a dozen black and power-blue soldiers appeared from seemingly nowhere, "Escort Doctor Orpheus and his purple-haired companion from the premises!"

"Hey, hey! Easy on the scalp, it's all sensitive from the dye."

"UNHAND ME VILE- Mffpfpmfmfma!" One of the Venchmen shoved a blue sock in the necromancer's mouth and two more drug him down the hallway.

"You know," Rusty mused once the muffled curses had subsided, "I've always sort of wanted to say that."

"Und you did it so wery vell."

"Hey, Brock." Brock almost winced when those doll-like eyes gazed up at him, "Now that I'm a supervillian and all... uh... do- Are you still going to be my bodyguard?"

"Well, my job is to protect you." Rusty leaned closer making him uncomfortable, "And I don't think the OSI really cares one way or the other." Brock stepped back a bit only for Rusty to lean on him completely, "So yeah."

"It seems as zough my vork here iz done." Doctor Henry Killinger announced, picking up his Magic Murder Bag and flicking open his umbrella. "Good luck to you my dear Doctor Venture. Call me if you need anyzing before our next session!"

***

Do you want to know the point of divergence that creates the difference between this universe and the one we all know and love? The proverbial pebble that started the avalanche? The straw that broke the camel's back? The butterfly wing that caused the hurricane?

Early that morning, somewhere in a quaint suburban neighborhood not too far from the Venture compound, General Manhour's wife forgot to move the laundry from the washer into the dryer. Consequently, the general had to wait fifteen minutes for his underwear. So instead of being early for his appointment at Venture Industries, GeneralManhour was exactly on time. And Rusty, uninterrupted by the General Manhour's early-bird arrival, overheard the entirety of Jonas' telephone conversation with Rahj.

"What am I do to?" Rahj sounded desperate. Johnny was jonesing loudly in the background, "My wife will leave me if I bring him to the house again but he is like my brother to me!"

"Brother! Hold on Rahj, I forgot. I've got Rusty on the other line."

"Rusty?" Rahj asked, "Has he asked you for money yet?"

Jonas laughed, "Just hold on a second," and pressed what he thought was the button for a line change, "Hey Rust-"

"Oh that's real great." Rusty fumed, "So that's how you treat the man who practically gave birth to you? 'Oooh, I wonder when he's going to come crawling to Dr. Jamaican Department for money. Har. Har.'"

"Oh, come on Rust-"

"Some brother you are, Jerkass." Rusty slammed the phone down. "Ow." he grumbled and sucked on the index finger he'd managed to mash between the receiver and the dial-pad.

A blister formed underneath the nail and it pained him at inconvenient times during the rest of the day. Like whenever he pushed a button or zipped his speed suit.

So, as Rusty held the blood-tipped quill poised above the Guild of Calamitous Intent Contractual Agreement of Villainous Disposition, the fingernail throbbed and he remembered the phone call and just how much of ajerkass his freaky little twin brother was.

T.S. Venture signed his name in blood without even a second thought.

***

"WHAT!?" The Monarch screamed in disbelief, "Doctor Venture can't arch Doctor Venture! I'M arching Doctor Venture! Doctor Venture has thwarted me for the last time!"

"Sweetheart," Doctor Mrs. The Monarch interrupted, "do you have stand on the Ikea to deliver your enraged monologue?"

"Sorry, pumpkin." He stepped down, cleared his throat and continued "You have thwarted me for the last time, Doctor Venture! I will not stop arching Doctor Venture and when..."

"Uh, which one is he talking about?" 24 wondered.

21 shrugged, "You know, I have absolutely no idea."


End file.
